Monday, July 18, 2016

Our growing family and where I have been...

I know...I has been forever since I have posted on this little blog of mine! I decided at the beginning of the summer to make some transitions in life, mainly being to take a break from the computer and social media. It has been a very refreshing time and exactly what I needed.
I have been free to spend every day focused on Hazel and Owen: having fun, exploring, creating, playing, using our imaginations and building lasting memories.

I love these days. 
In the fall, Hazel will be off to full day kindergarten and Owen to half day Pre-K. I want to savor this sweet time we have before the "big world" starts settling in. I am very excited for what lies ahead for them both at school, but I am also going to miss these days when it was just us in our own little cocoon if you will.

We also got some very exciting news in March, that we are expecting our third, due this November.
I am 23 weeks along right now and our baby was 1 lb. 1 oz. at my last ultrasound. And the very exciting news...especially for Hazel: IT'S A GIRL! We can't wait to welcome her into our family this fall. We all already love her so much. Hazel hugs and kisses my belly every day and talks to the baby. She sings songs to her and tells me every.single.thing. that she is going to do with and for her. It really is the sweetest. Owen, was a bit disappointed we didn't find out it was a boy, but he has definitely come around and can't wait to finally be a big brother!

The first trimester was pretty tough for me. I was plagued with morning sickness, nothing tasted good so I hated eating, I lost all motivation towards basically everything. I don't know if it was just the flood of hormones or what, but I went to a very low place and stayed there for quite some time. I would describe it as three months of "blah" feelings. Thus, things like blogging fell to the wayside. I could barely get the laundry done let alone think about doing anything creative or interesting to post here.

After speaking with several of the nurse mid-wives in the practice that I go to, and some high risk doctors (whom I meet with each pregnancy due to Hazel being born two months premature), and searching my heart and mind, I was able to make some adjustments that have helped tremendously. I feel great these days. I have motivation again and can honestly say I am in a very content and happy place. Plus the second trimester just seems to always be the best of the three, so I am going to enjoy every minute while it lasts! (If you want to learn more about my journey through depression in the past, read this post).

I have been trying to avoid any activities that fill my life with anxiety or the horrible joy robbing "comparison trap" big place being Instagram. I just can't do it anymore. I even deleted the app so I wouldn't be constantly tempted to go on. It became a place that made me feel awful afterwards. Our home is messy, lived in, toys EVERYWHERE, my kids and I aren't always sporting the latest trends, etc. and while I know this was all "in my head", I let the comparison of other people's "picture perfect boxes" get to me. It became a place, at least in my mind, focused mostly on superficial things and I am on a search for something deeper. won't find me on there much, if at all, in the future. I may pop in to show pics of the new baby, but I cannot do my every day life right now. It's too much of a distraction from actually making real memories and awesome moments to remember...even if no one else ever sees them.

Here is our family this month at Hazel's 5th birthday party, which had a "wolf theme"...her favorite animal! So, of course, we were all wearing wolf shirts :)
In a nutshell, life is good right now. I am pausing to enjoy these little years and be the mom I want to be to my children. Not a crazy woman trying to keep up with everyone in the blogging world or on social media! It is an easy trap to fall into, and I am so glad I was able (for now) to escape it. I pray the Lord keeps my mind clearly focused on what really matters, and not allow the things of this world to start robbing me again from the joy that he so freely gives.

I hope that you all enjoy a beautiful summer and when I feel called to post here, I will!

Till then...
~Alice W.

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